I seem to have a knack for training martial arts in places that are adjacent sketchy areas. I was next door to where I train getting a new gas cap for my Jeep looked around the store, and my creep alarm in my head said…wow, this place is really sketchy, especially that guy… One guy, clearly not a customer, unkempt appeared to be high, mumbling questions from customer to customer in the store.
I got my gas cap and walked to my car. I was a bit early so figured I had a minute to swap out the cap. It would only take a second. Nope. Then that guy came out, and I knew it… ugh, he’s going to come up to me. (Yes, I should have just gone inside).
He moved very slowly and was passive and hard to understand. I stuck my hand out like a stop-sign to dissuade him from continuing to close distance and firmly said,
“Hey-what do you want?”
He was a bit offended and sulked at my projected response.
Even though he talked very softly I responded and projected loudly.
If you are in this interview stage where someone unknown is talking to you, it is important to communicate clearly and project your voice. You don’t want to have someone not hear, or claim to not hear you and invite themselves closer to you.
He was asking if I knew where some building was and wanted a ride there.
“No, sorry man, I can’t do that.”
It didn’t escalate and he didn’t come closer, he pulled more of the sad, I need help card.
“I need you to give me a ride to pick up my daughter at the convention center.” (I couldn’t make out the name of the place).
If true it’s a tough situation, but he’s still a stranger that made me feel uncomfortable before ANY verbal interaction occurred between the two of us. I’m not allowing him in my car with me or any closer for that matter.
Back to my 3E’s Empathy, Excuse, Exit. For this guy, I matched body language and tone to his level. The situation is not escalating, but I want him to go away, so I strengthen the sympathy/Empathy portion as well as my Excuse to end the conversation and remove myself.
“Look, I’m really sorry about your situation, but I can’t give you a ride. Plus, I don’t even know where that is. I hope you can figure something out, but I can’t help you.”
He turned around and looked for other people to approach so I ducked into the martial arts school. What I saw next floored me. He waved down a woman that was driving by in an SUV and walked up to her passenger side window, stuck his head inside to talk to her. She stopped the car in the middle of the shopping center to talk to him, and he opened the door and got in. I watched carefully to see if she appeared to be in danger, initially I couldn’t tell if he invited himself in or was invited in. She pulled into a parking spot and talked with him in the car for about 10 minutes. Then they left together. Now, I don’t have all the facts, but since a few minutes prior he was asking me for a ride, I assume she did not know him.
If you feel the Good Samaritan itch and really want to help someone because you think they authentically need a ride, pay for a cab or an Uber for them, or offer to call someone for them, if that applies.
There are exceptions to every situation, just understand that there are inherent risks to letting someone you don’t know into your vehicle, especially if their presence makes you feel uncomfortable, and it is not a good idea.
Train smart & stay safe,
Evan Dzierzynski
Owner/Lead Coach
NOVA Self Defense
We are now offering corporate self defense seminars and private lessons in Seattle, Tacoma
I got my gas cap and walked to my car. I was a bit early so figured I had a minute to swap out the cap. It would only take a second. Nope. Then that guy came out, and I knew it… ugh, he’s going to come up to me. (Yes, I should have just gone inside).
He moved very slowly and was passive and hard to understand. I stuck my hand out like a stop-sign to dissuade him from continuing to close distance and firmly said,
“Hey-what do you want?”
He was a bit offended and sulked at my projected response.
Even though he talked very softly I responded and projected loudly.
If you are in this interview stage where someone unknown is talking to you, it is important to communicate clearly and project your voice. You don’t want to have someone not hear, or claim to not hear you and invite themselves closer to you.
He was asking if I knew where some building was and wanted a ride there.
“No, sorry man, I can’t do that.”
It didn’t escalate and he didn’t come closer, he pulled more of the sad, I need help card.
“I need you to give me a ride to pick up my daughter at the convention center.” (I couldn’t make out the name of the place).
If true it’s a tough situation, but he’s still a stranger that made me feel uncomfortable before ANY verbal interaction occurred between the two of us. I’m not allowing him in my car with me or any closer for that matter.
Back to my 3E’s Empathy, Excuse, Exit. For this guy, I matched body language and tone to his level. The situation is not escalating, but I want him to go away, so I strengthen the sympathy/Empathy portion as well as my Excuse to end the conversation and remove myself.
“Look, I’m really sorry about your situation, but I can’t give you a ride. Plus, I don’t even know where that is. I hope you can figure something out, but I can’t help you.”
He turned around and looked for other people to approach so I ducked into the martial arts school. What I saw next floored me. He waved down a woman that was driving by in an SUV and walked up to her passenger side window, stuck his head inside to talk to her. She stopped the car in the middle of the shopping center to talk to him, and he opened the door and got in. I watched carefully to see if she appeared to be in danger, initially I couldn’t tell if he invited himself in or was invited in. She pulled into a parking spot and talked with him in the car for about 10 minutes. Then they left together. Now, I don’t have all the facts, but since a few minutes prior he was asking me for a ride, I assume she did not know him.
If you feel the Good Samaritan itch and really want to help someone because you think they authentically need a ride, pay for a cab or an Uber for them, or offer to call someone for them, if that applies.
There are exceptions to every situation, just understand that there are inherent risks to letting someone you don’t know into your vehicle, especially if their presence makes you feel uncomfortable, and it is not a good idea.
Train smart & stay safe,
Evan Dzierzynski
Owner/Lead Coach
NOVA Self Defense
We are now offering corporate self defense seminars and private lessons in Seattle, Tacoma
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